Adopting a pet is a special moment. The excitement of bringing a new best friend into your life can also bring big expectations. about what our relationship should look and feel like.
From the first meeting, to years of companionship and adventures, lasting love takes time, patience, and space to grow.
To help set up realistic expectations from adoption to building the foundations of a lasting relationship, OHS behavior experts recommend the 3-3-3 rule
The 3-3-3 Rule
3 Days to Decompress
3 Weeks to Establish a Routine
3 Months to Feel at Home
The First 3 Days
Once the excitement of adoption day wanes, your new friend is likely feeling overwhelmed in their new environment. Early days are full of big changes for both of you, so it’s normal for you to feel overwhelmed too. In the first three days, OHS experts suggest giving your furry friend lots of space and not trying to force interaction—including direct eye contact which can sometimes feel a little intense.
- Set boundaries and start your routine right away
- Stay patient and calm
- Give clear directions, but grace with learning
First Date Jitters
In the first 24-hours after bringing Sailor home, adopter Mitchka already felt a connection between them. Her partner, however, was struggling to find the same connection. Unsure if she should be concerned, she reached out to OHS Behavior Modification Trainer Tomlin Paolucci to find out what steps to take, eager to make it work. Tomlin shared the basics of the 3-3-3 rule and encouraged Mitchka and her partner to patiently continue on the right path as they supported Sailor through the transition period. By incorporating the 3-3-3 rule into their daily lives, Mitchka and her partner stayed steady and focused on slowly integrating Sailor into their routines, bonding a little more with every walk together.
3 Weeks Later
Your pal is settling in! They may seem more comfortable and have a sense of your routines. You are seeing more of their true personality, but with this newfound confidence comes some unexpected behaviors. Suddenly boundaries are being tested—the shoes you’ve left by the door seem to appear in another room, without laces. Countertops or off-limits spaces appear more tempting. This is a good time to begin working on basic training skills like sit and wait. Remember to stay extra patient and praise every successful moment. Reinforcing good behavior with a treat and marker word—we like “yes” or “good”—helps your buddy know they’re on the right track.
- Make sure you are giving clear, consistent commands
- When your pal does misbehave, give calm, clear feedback to reset boundaries
- When pushed boundaries become emotionally elevated, take a step back to calm and refocus
Makeover Montage
When Nikki brought Cairo home, she worried she’d made a mistake. “I cried every day and wondered if I was the right home for him—wondered if he would be truly happy here.” Cario struggled with extreme anxiety and although Nikki had been informed by OHS staff that this might be the case it felt different to experience it in her real life—Cairo’s nervous cries broke her heart. He especially struggled with settling in his crate, a routine and boundary Nikki needed to make work.
Roughly three weeks after adoption—and after staying diligent and providing Cairo space to adjust—he began to not only accept the crate but saw it as his safe space. “I’m just amazed. He amazes me every day with how far he’s come and how quickly he’s learned to trust me. I couldn’t be happier with how he’s fit into our family.”
The 3 Month Finish Line
Three months will fly by. Soon you will wake up to a pet who is feeling comfy in your home and an established part of your life and routines. Best of all, they will look at you with trust, maybe even revealing a soft fluffy belly or pawing at your hand for pets and snuggles. It’s important not to get so caught up in your lovefest that you let training slide. Stay true to your boundaries and lifelong good habits will follow.
- Use affection as a resource
- Continue training to build bonds
Happily Ever After
Wesley came to OHS very shy and nervous. Staff weren’t sure if he would ever be a social butterfly, but they felt confident the right owner might be able to bond with him over time. That right adopter was Katie. The two moved slowly together as they developed their relationship and learned to trust each other. Just a few days after arriving in his new home, Wesley would snuggle up on the couch behind Katie, but cautiously maintained his distance. After three months, he truly began to thrive, not only would he welcome affection from strangers, but this wallflower blossomed into a supersnuggler.
I thought he was sweet after just three days, but after three months he got even sweeter and continues to grow more trusting and affectionate every day!
#RelationshipGoals
Erika Sims, Feline Behavior Modification Manager, cautions that the 3-3-3 rule is a helpful guideline, but not set in stone. Some pets might take longer to warm up, while others may fast-track their affection and settle in quickly. “It’s all about being patient and providing consistency when you bring a new animal home.” Erica shares. “Avoid too much social pressure in the beginning. Allow time for everyone to decompress, observe, and learn by association.”
Adopting an animal is one of life’s most rewarding moments but nothing is sweeter than the relationship you will discover over time.
